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When my future children misbehave

  • Child 1:

    Please, don't ground us!

  • Me:

    Stop groveling as if this is the worst day of your life. This is a good day. I'm going to give you all the opportunity to rehabilitate yourselves, and become productive members of this family.

  • Right now, you're lost. But pledge your loyalty to me, and I'll give you a new purpose in your lives. Of course if you don't want to cooperate you can stay right here. Hopefully someone saves you before Mom finds this mess. But I wouldn't count on it.

  • Child 1:

    No, we'll play nice! Don't leave us here!

  • Child 2:

    We pledge our loyalty to you, Great Dad.

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